Trade and Gas Emission Liberation Front

2009-01-19T18:59:00.000+02:00

The Lisbon Treaty in the Treaty Heaven with other treaties having met a violent end, including the Molotov–Ribbetrop Pact and the Oslo Peace Treaty.

2009-01-18T17:05:00.000+02:00

Because our demands were not met, we had to kill the Lisbon Treaty. Its corpse can be found in the woods close to the Schengen border.

2009-01-15T20:23:00.000+02:00

The Lisbon Treaty tried to escape. We caught our pitiable runaway sobbing, "I am not the Lisbon Treaty but the Treaty of Accession for Croatia." This attempt to hide its identity did not fool our guerillas who brought strongly resisting Lisbon Treaty back to its cell.

2009-01-15T13:32:00.001+02:00

NATO Response Forces tried to release the Lisbon Treaty. Our guard, however, remained vigilant.

2009-01-14T19:00:00.002+02:00

We, the Trade and Gas Emission Liberation Front, have kidnapped the Lisbon Treaty and will release it only if all of our demands will be met within 3 days.

We demand that the EU will return to the correct economic policy of laissez-faire, non-interference in economic activity. Bans on Irish dioxin meat, some GMO crops, plutonium trade, and trafficking in human beings must be lifted at once.

The most serious interference in the market by the EU and its member states are the bank subsidies and budgetary economic stimulus packages. In order to stop this unhealthy move at once, we demand that the EU will pay us the whole sum of its coordinated budgetary impulse, 200 billion euros. The sum, in small, used banknotes, should be left in the dust bin of the parking lot behind the Exxon petrol station by noon.

We request the immediate release of political prisoners Linda Lay and Jeffrey Skilling of Enron, Calisto Tanzi of Parmalat, and Bernard Madoff, the ex-chairman of the Nasdaq stock market, all victims of state intrusion in creative entrepreneurship.

Our History

2009-01-06T17:15:00.000+02:00

We started in the 1990s as a reading circle when many individual activists gathered together to discuss what true capitalism means. At first, naively, we participated struggles for free trade agreements, especially for those that opened the markets in third world countries. However, the disappointments of Seattle and Doha made us aware of how unreliable governments are in promoting trade liberation.

We found that discontent with the present restricted economic system mistaken for capitalism is widely shared and decided to organize ourselves. Our disappointment of the Enron and Parmalat trials deepened our conviction that we need to do something. Consequently, in 2001 we took up arms to promote trade liberation.

Our first armed act, the attempt to burn the schools of Diaz and Pascoli accommodating anti-globalization activists during the G8 summit in Genoa, backfired. The police raided these schools and found the Molotov cocktails we had planned to use to lit up the buildings.

In 2003, after the reactionary decision by the European Union to implement the Kyoto Protocol enslaving all car and factory owners, we renamed ourselves as the Trade and Gas Emission Liberation Front.

The trial of Khodorkovsky of Yukos demonstrated us how states dictate the destinies of entrepreneurs, instead of heeding to the advice from their most capable citizens. Fortunately, sometimes politicians have been willing to adopt entrepreneurial advice, as they did with the laws against non-profit media product distribution in the Internet.

Russia has been one country where we have engaged in several attacks against judges and politicians trying to obstruct free trade with regulations or so-called corruption investigations, although even a child should know that it is corrupt to distort free trade, not to maximize profits.

We have also practiced cyber war against governmental institutions distorting free trade, including finance ministries, agricultural ministries, central banks and tax offices in several countries.

We sympathize all armed groups that promote trade liberalization. We even sent some of our activists for training in Colombia where paramilitaries promote free cocaine trade against the imperialist armed forces financed and trained by the US.

Arms are useful for fighting backward anti-capitalist values. During these years, we have showed our support to several armed groups that have helped opening mines, plantations, highways and construction sites where there formerly was only unproductive natural resources or backward traditional forms of production. We are happy that some governments are ready to deploy their armed forces at the request of multinationals having come to bring progress to undeveloped countries.

Our Manifesto

2009-01-06T17:10:00.000+02:00

We have taken up arms to promote full liberation of all trade. We are highly disappointed with the European Union for restricting free human exchange that capitalism means. In the EU countries, hard-earned profits are taxed and laws reward workers rather than entrepreneurs. We won't rest before the market, not legislation, dictates wages and working hours.

Moral standards belong to the private sphere that should remain outside of state control. Businessmen like Bernard Madoff and Calisto Tanzi have only practiced free trade that no authority should interfere in. Protecting fools is not the business of states or the EU. In free trade someone loses and someone else wins. It is only natural that those who are stupid or ignorant lose.

We are ready to fight any state or union that tries to make its unwilling populace limit its consumption in the name of the common good. If the human race is voluntarily undermining its prospects of living on this planet, it should be permitted to do so. It is not the task of states or political unions to force us to think for future generations if that is not what we want to do.

Trade must not be restricted for health protection either. Instead of state intervention, health standards should be left for the market to decide. Anyone should be left the freedom to choose if they want to eat potentially BSE infected or dioxin polluted meat. Since there is less market demand for substandard goods, anyone, apart from the poor, can choose to avoid unhealthy products.

The European Union has seriously limited, even prohibited, trading with many lucrative goods, such as weapons and drugs. Trade with many weapons, such as missiles and tanks, is presently a monopoly of states or state-licensed companies. Serious trade barriers have been erected to limit the trade of plutonium and nuclear weapons. We demand the EU to dismantle all unfair trade barriers and monopoly regulations.

Human trafficking is one type of trade, indistinguishable from other types of exchange. If some people want to pay tens of thousands of euros for drowning in the Mediterranian, let them. Babies, kidneys and living sex toys should be subjected to the laws of supply and demand, just like any other products.

Political power has a market value, just like all other goods. Politicians and voters should be freely bought to guarantee smooth democratic process. The more centralized the power, the higher its economic value. Thus we don't make too much fuzz about the type of the political system as long as dictators profit maximally from the powers they have.

Trade and Gas Emission Liberation Front (TAGELF)

2008-12-29T14:46:00.001+02:00