We, the Trade and Gas Emission Liberation Front, have kidnapped the Lisbon Treaty and will release it only if all of our demands will be met within 3 days.
We demand that the EU will return to the correct economic policy of laissez-faire, non-interference in economic activity. Bans on Irish dioxin meat, some GMO crops, plutonium trade, and trafficking in human beings must be lifted at once.
The most serious interference in the market by the EU and its member states are the bank subsidies and budgetary economic stimulus packages. In order to stop this unhealthy move at once, we demand that the EU will pay us the whole sum of its coordinated budgetary impulse, 200 billion euros. The sum, in small, used banknotes, should be left in the dust bin of the parking lot behind the Exxon petrol station by noon.
We request the immediate release of political prisoners Linda Lay and Jeffrey Skilling of Enron, Calisto Tanzi of Parmalat, and Bernard Madoff, the ex-chairman of the Nasdaq stock market, all victims of state intrusion in creative entrepreneurship.
